I've never cared more about caring less.

Lately I've felt like such a free spirit. I'm really happy with my situation right now, even though it's nothing special. I don't have a relationship, but I have a girl that I'm with, and I like it that way. Have a pretty good college job, and money is nice. School is lame, but getting better now that I have a direction I want to go in. I have a cat that makes things funny at home, and I have great friends that I've been hanging out with regularly. I'm looking at life with a very carefree, easygoing attitude lately and it feels really good. I kind of have a fear of commitment now (hahaha says the guy who had a 4 year relationship) and I can't really explain it. I'm seeing someone, and I wont see anyone else, but I don't want to labeled as a BF. Stupid I know, but whatever. All I know is I am totally enjoying myself right now. Also, jazz music is taking over my ears.

Well that was a first.

I totally just failed at being Barney Stinson. I thought that I could just hook up with someone and things would be fine and dandy without any craziness, but it turns out that that didn't happen. My mistake was trying to stay friends with them and act like things were no big deal. That was a totally failure. What I should've done was after the whole ordeal was over, just never talk to her again. Not have to deal with all the crap and baggage. Be Barney Stinson. Lesson Learned!

Learning

I'm actually learning more about myself, :) This is a good thing

Good times for a Change

Things are totally awesome right now. Let me explain.
Things at work are going really really well, and I've consistently been in the top 2 of sales this month. School is going well too, but I'm going to stop taking spanish because I've lost all interest in it. That's bad i guess since i'm half hispanic haha, but I really really want to take french, and because I'm so interested in it, I think i'll do well. My apartment still kicks ass, and I've been hanging with old friends and having a great time. SPORTS!!! This is the mecca of sports right now. We've got the world series, Hockey, Basketball, NFL football, College football all going on right now. Go Cowboys/Mavericks/Stars!!!!! I'm also cheering for the Longhorns (UT school duh) and A&M because so many of my friends go there.

But

I'm also happy because I've met Shannon Johnson :) She's really really awesome. I'd say more, but it's really hard to describe exactly how great things have been in words, but I know exactly how it feels and it's really great.

Soooo Things are totally awesome. And I've learned something from all of this......I'm awesome :)

Possible Vampires I know... Part one.

I've noticed that there are a few people whom I think could be Vampires. Here is part one of my list, and my reasons why.

1. Amanda (my totally awesome waitress at Narahs Cafe) First off, she has a huge obsession with vampires, HUGE. I've never seen her during the day. She has told me that she spends most days sleeping. Her reason she says is late nights at work tire her out, but I dunno about that. Her teeth look really pointy

I'll be adding other possible vampires soon.

Work updates

Weeellll, I've been working for Dillards for a few weeks now, and things are starting to become a lot more fun. I've started selling shoes and even though I'm completely new to this, I'm in the top 3% for selling, and my sales per hour are really high. I've been working a ton lately because of some people quitting and some scheduling conflicts, but come November I'll actually have a very reasonable schedule on my hands and I can kiss these 38 hour weeks goodbye! The pay has been great already, but with my high sales added, my commission check could be upwards of around $800! I've never made so much money in only one month and it's pretty sweet. I'm not a kind of person who needs a lot of money to be happy, but having some around is a nice change of pace :) I've been reading a bit lately to pass the time during my lunch breaks, and I've fallen even more in love with my iPhone (it's so convenient for everything!) I recently realized that my favorite store to shop at is Fossil, and that's not a great thing because most of their stuff is pretty pricey. Well, that's about it for now, but I'm going to try to blog more!

I am Proud to be American, and I'm not ashamed of it in the least.

This is something that is honestly keeping me awake right now. American pride or lack there of is currently on my brain. It truly makes me uncomfortable that there are American citizens that think it's cool to act as if living here is a terrible thing. REALLY??? Now i know that just being a citizen of the United States DOES NOT make you perfect, or better than anyone else. And I'm also fully aware of the fact the this country is not perfect. Far from it. But I'll be damned of some jackass is going to ridicule me for being proud to be an American.
I think that many people have a misconception that to be patriotic is to act like an ignorant "gun touting redneck" who loves NASCAR. I do not consider myself anything like that last sentence, yet I feel so fortunate to be an American. I route for American sports teams. I'm proud of American innovations. I love the 4th of July. I'm proud to be an American. No one is ever going to make me feel like a fool for being proud of where I'm from.

I know that not everyone feels the same about this as I do, and I also know that some people born here choose to move to other countries for various reasons. All I know is that every year millions and millions of people choose to leave where they're behind to have a chance to feel as lucky as I do, and to have a chance to improve their own lives. I'm VERY proud to live here, and I'm never going to let anyone make me feel bad about it.

Lurv

What it is to be loved and what it takes to love.
How it feels to be kissed, how it hurts to be shoved.
You feel so good you can hardly stand.
Your heart races while holding their hand.
You look into their eyes and see all you can be,
you do everything possible to make they happy.

Blaaahh what is lurv?

So.....

I tried to blog tonight, but I realized that I have nothing really to say. Fail

If I were totally rational, I'd be very happy?

I say this because if you look at the facts, I should be a happy person.

Examples:

I have my own apartment in a nice neighborhood.
I have a good job with good pay.
School is going really well right now.
My family is really great.
My friends are really awesome.

Looks good right? Yet for some reason, I'm honestly not happy. I'm not a manic depressive guy who is thinking about the end of the world either, but something just isn't right.

Wake me up when Septemb....IMA LET YOU FINSH, BUT THAT IS THE MOST OVERUSED SEPTEMBER LINE OF ALL TIME!!!

Well, here are a few updates. I started my new job at Dillards, and it's been okay so far. Right now I'm working strictly in the stock room learning about where everything goes and how it's organized. The stock room is really effing huge, and I've never seen so many shoes before. It's like a giant ladies closet, but better organized, and that's not a complement. The work has been pretty tough, a lot of moving boxes and stacking them. The work can get monotonous and tiring, but it's not going to be what I'm doing forever. The just want me to know the stock room so when I start selling, I'll know where everything is and be able to get the shoes quickly. The day goes by fairly quickly, but my feet are always killing me when it's over. My coworkers seem pretty cool for the most part, but I'm still the new guy, and don't really have anyone to talk to except for my friend Joe. My schedule is really busy now, with school and working taking up 90% of my time. I have Tuesdays and Thursdays off, but I spend most of those days at school. A lot of my friends have gone away to school now, so I feel pretty lonely sometimes. Having so much time to my thoughts at work isn't that cool, because I keep reflecting on things that I really should leave alone. School has been going really well, (I made a 99 on a test this week) but overall I'd say that I'm not too happy with how things are going. I'm making really good money, and my grades are really good, but there is more to life than stuff like that. Hopefully things will become better for me soon.

Bring on the new

Well, after months of searching, waiting, and worrying, I finally have a Job that I'm very excited about. I'm a sales associate at Dillards, and I'm really excited to have a weekly check coming in. The pay is really good, and I'll get to wear suits everyday! It's a great chance to meet a lot of new people, and start supporting myself in new ways. As soon as the money starts coming in steadily and things get calm I can start to get things that i've been wanting (like an iPhone.) School has been going really well so far and that's been really great. I painted a wall in my apartment and it really added a lot to this place. Once my work and school schedule settle and I get into a nice groove I'll start looking into having more of a social life again. I've been hanging out a lot recently with really good old friends, but I'm looking forward to having new people in my life as well. Things have been kinda odd lately with life, but at least something really good has happened for me.

Time to see what life brings me.

Well, things have changed a bit during this week. Me and Valorie are no longer dating, but we are still going to be good friends. The distance was just too much for us, and that's unfortunate but this was the right decision for us to make. Now it's time for me to really settle into some sort of grove. I'm still looking for work, but now i have a few good leads, and I'm concentrating on school and my grades so far have been very good and I don't feel lost at all. once I get settled into a schedule of work and school I'll figure out what to do with my social life, but right now I think it's the best time to get what's right for me and be alone for a bit. I'm in a pretty good place and I'm looking forward to doing things just for me for a little while. I've never done that, so i'm excited. Things are going to be interesting for a little while, but I'm glad that everything that's happening is on my terms for once.

I need to learn to be more selfish.

I know that being selfish is not something that one normally tries to be, but I'm really thinking that it's time for me to look into it. For as long as I can remember, I have been sacrificing things to make other people happy. Most of the time I really don't mind, I like making others happy, especially people who are close with me. But I've come to realize that I hardly ever look out for myself. Ever. I'm so concerned with doing what's best for others that I hardly make any effort to get what I really want. I feel that I'm always the one who's trying the hardest, and even though I like being a good person, sometimes I want to put the effort into getting what I really want and not feeling bad about it. Everyone else I know has no problem doing what's best for them, so I think it's time that I do the same. I'm 20 years old, and now is the time for me to start making life better for myself and not being too concerned about how this effects others. Now, I'm not going to become a jerk and stop helping my friends and family when they need me, but I need to start looking out for me. I really don't want to upset anyone in the process, but sometimes that happens when you try to get what you really want. I don't want to upset others because that upsets me, so I'll just have to be careful about how I go about this new task of looking out for me. I know now is the time to start learning how to live and make myself happy.

"I am a Band-Aid"

I am a Band-Aid. At some point you will need one. You will need one because we are helpful and come in all types. We can make you feel well, and help you forget about certain worries. We can stick with you for as long as you'd like. But eventually, you will no longer need me and no longer want to be stuck with me. You will rip me off and throw me away knowing that if you need another Band-Aid, I'll be easy to replace. Some Band-Aids will be needed longer than others, but in the end, they're not going to be stuck with you forever. All Band-Aids are great at first, but over time they start to fade.


I don't feel this way, but this was a thought that kept popping into my head and I wanted to write it down. I think at some point we've all felt similar to this writing. Be it in a romantic relationship, a friendship, or working at some job. Something to think about I guess.

How will you know, and when is too soon?

If you're lucky enough to have certain powerful emotions come over you at some point, how can you be sure what it is or what it means? And even if you're able to figure out meaning in said emotions, you're stuck wondering if the emotions are justified by a certain amount of time, experience, and gut feelings. Trying to make sense of this is bittersweet, but if you're in a situation like this, I'd say you're in a very happy place in your life.

The Evolution of my Musical tastes.

Now, I will start off by stating that I have very very diverse musical tastes, and I don't listen to only one type of music, But I've noticed that what I mainly listened to 5 years ago has changed quite a bit compared to what I listen to now. 5 years ago I mostly listened to 90's rock music acts like Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Soundgarden, Alice in Chains, Weezer, ect, but I also listened to a lot of 70's and 80's rock music. I learned to play guitar and drums, and I was starting bands and playing a lot. I was really only interested in guitar driven rock music back then. I still really enjoy that type of music, and I still love those bands, but my ears started to want to hear different things. I got really into any music that had a good melody. Melody is always going to be what's most important to me. Kurt Cobain was a firm believer in the importance of melody over everything else, and I couldn't agree more. I got really into bands like the Goo Goo Dolls, (both their old punk/alternative stuff and their pop music) and The All American Rejects. Bands that really incorporated strong melodies. But I'm also drawn to anything that is unique and completely original. The Pixies are very original and weird, but they also write really good pop songs. One of my favorite bands is the Dave Matthews Band, because of the incredible amount of musical talent that those guys have and the strong song writing. DMB is both unique and original and full of great melody. DMB also opened my ears to types of jazz music, and I'm really happy about that. Jazz is totally American and totally awesome. I listen to so much music these days. Punk rock music, jam rock music, pop, Hip Hop, R&B, classic rock, Jazz, folk, alt-folk, anti-folk, ska, reggae, Metal, you name it. Really my ears are open to anything, but if the music breaks my rules for bad songs, then not so much.

Rules to write bad music.

1 - a chorus that has too many words. *Example, almost anything that Daughtry writes* Lots of amazing songs have little to say in the chorus, such as most Beatles songs.

2 - Trying to hard to be unique and different. You know how sometimes things don't work out because you tried to force it? A lot of songs get turned into crap because of that.

3 - Metal Bands that try to be "Heavy." Now let me try to explain. There is a big difference between being Heavy, and being Metal. "Nothing to say" by Soundgarden, whoooo that song is heavy as heavy gets. "Slave to the Grind" by Skid row, is a Metal song. "Dazed and confused" by Led Zeppelin is heavy, Metallicas "enter sandman" is metal. Metal bands should stick to being metal, and leave the heavy stuff to bands who can actually write it.

All in all, I love music. Music is what drives me, and I feel that listening to many types of music makes me a better musician overall. Do any of you listen to the exact same music that you did 5 years ago? It's okay if you do, but try to listen to other stuff as well. It'll do you some good.

I gots me a kitten.

So on Friday night/Saturday I went with Bailey to re roof his Grandmothers house in Commanche TX. We arrived there about 2 am and got up to start work at 6. It was pretty warm out, but it wasn't humid out and there was a good breeze. It was actually kinda fun, and I learned how to roof a house. His grandmother had some kittens she was giving away so I took one home with me. I didn't know what the sex of the kitten was so for a while i just called it kitty. After i got home me and my Dad and our neighbor Gentry went to Dallas to see Motley Crue. That was an awesome concert, but the sound from the lawn wasn't so great, so I went past the security to get to the front. THAT was awesome. So after all of that I was really tired, so when i got home i went right to bed. The next day I played with the kitten, and i figured out that she was a girl and i named her Lily. BUT later i figured out she was a HE and I re named him Marshall. Sunday I helped my friend Blake do some moving, and that combined with the weekend of roofing totally drained me physically. I've been really tired today. I saw my friend loren bush this weekend as well. She was in town so i went to see her and her bf and her dad. We hung out and played guitars all night and it was a blast, and i'm glad i met her and we became friends. Valorie has been outta town this weekend in San Diego, but i'll be seeing her soon and I'm excited :) Well, that basically sums up the weekend, I'll blog more later.

Another new apartment.

On Saturday I moved into my NEW new apartment. It's a mile up the road from my old place, and I still live in the awesomeness that is Arlington. The new place is a bit smaller, but it's very cozy. I've decorated some of it and I like the way it's starting to look. I'm going to miss my old place a bit because it became home to me and I had some pretty nice memories there, but I'm looking forward to making some nice memories here too. I've had a lot on my mind lately, and I dunno why. Some days I'm really happy, and others I feel really odd. Hopefully things will settle down soon enough and I'll stay happy all the time :)

You know life is good.

Man, life can be pretty sweet sometimes. Every now and then I'll realize how lucky I am and really appreciate how good I really have it. I have a great home, a wonderful family, people who really care about me, and a lot of great opportunities. My friend Joe hooked me up with a job at Dillards and I'm really excited for that (I get to wear a suit!) I have to move into a new apartment this saturday which will be cool minus the moving heavy stuff up and down stairs part. But overall, I'm insanely happy right now, and I hope my happiness spreads to others.

Nobody hates drama.

I'm sure at one point in time, you or someone you know has said "I hate drama." I know for a fact that no one in the world hates drama. That is totally impossible. Drama is what makes life interesting. Drama is what makes us read books and magazines, drama is what makes us watch movies and TV, drama is awesome. You know that when someone you know is going through something, good or bad, you want to know about it. That's drama. A more correct statement would be that you hate drama when it's about YOU. So from now on, when someone say's they hate drama, I want you to correct them.

Places I want to travel.

There are many many places I would love to see first hand one day, but here are a few that are on the top of my "must see" list right now.

Seattle Washington.

I've been wanting to visit Seattle since my freshmen year of high school. I would love to see the pacific northwest and get rained on! So much of my favorite things come from Seattle. Music, (nirvana, soundgarden, pearl jam, etc) my favorite movie "Singles" is based in Seattle, and it's the coffee capital of the US! Coffee rules! duh.

San Francisco California.
As most of you know, I've already been to SF. But holy hell it was so amazing I can't wait to see it again! Such a great city.

New york City New York.


I've been to NYC twice already, but I'm addicted to new york. Everything about it. The museums, central park, the village, times square, The Mets. I heart NY.

This could be the sweetest dream.

Lyrics to a song I just wrote called "Beauty is vivid green."

When you smile I cannot look away.And from that smile I will hear you say, “You and me can be anything, and trust me now, my heart is racing.”

Every time I see you smile, everytime I hear your name. Let us be alone for a while, this could be the sweetest dream. Every time I see your eyes, the beauty and the vivid green. I always seem to get so lost, and I always know that you'll find me.

When you speak I'm hanging on every word. And when you're gone it's always for too long. Stay right here, don't go anywhere. Have no fears, and I'll always be here.

Every time I see you smile, every time I hear your name. Let us be alone for a while, this could be the sweetest dream. Every time I see your eyes, the beauty and the vivid green. I always seem to get so lost, and I always know that you'll find me.

All I see is you and me. And all you know is how you will feel each time you're with me.

Every time I see you smile, every time I hear your name. Let us be alone for a while, this could be the sweetest dream. Every time I see your eyes, the beauty and the vivid green. I always seem to get so lost, and I always know that you'll find me.

4th of July.

Many reasons today is a good day. One reason the 4th is such a good day is that it means that MY birthday is only 13 days away! But it also marks the day that the good ol' USA gave the British the finger and bailed. Watching stuff explode in the sky while eating bbq and shouting "USA! USA!" is one of the most American things you could do. Yup the 4th kicks some ass, so today I'm going to play some baseball, eat some buffalo wings, watch shit blow up, all while shouting USA USA!

Trouble is a friend of mine.

I had to pay a huge cable/internet bill today. That was NOT cool. I hate that I still haven't found a job, stupid economy. This lack of job among other unanswered questions is going to lead to trouble for me eventually.

But anyway.

Yesterday I hung out with my family for my uncle/aunts/stepdads birthday party. (Not that they are all one person, it was a multi-party.) That was fun, and afterwards I went to Barns & Noble to do some book searching. I would up looking at philosophy books and history books mostly. I wanted to look at some plays because I wanted to find more stuff written by August Wilson, a famous African American playwright and "Angles in America," a fantastic play written by Tony Kushner. I wound up buying two books. "The Race Beat," and "FDR puts Americans to work." (I'm well aware of the fact that I like "boring" books.) "The Race Beat" is about race relations in the United states, particularly in the south from the early 1900's up to the today. It has a lot to do with the civil rights movement as well. The FDR book is pretty self explanatory. I'm looking forward to reading those. Today I hung out with my new friend Loren and her family at the park. We played hide and go seek with her little brothers, and it was fun. After that I went to her house and we played guitar and had lunch. I talked to her dad a lot, he's a really cool guy. It was nice to talk about music and school and stuff with new people who were interested. Now I guess i'm going to take a shower and see where the rest of the day takes me.

Moo point.

"A moo point, ya know it's like a cows opinion. It doesn't matter. It's moo." - Joey.

Get inside my mind.

I've been hanging out with a lot of people lately. That has been a really good thing for me, and it's been a lot of fun. I've made a lot of new friends, and I've gotten in touch with a lot of old friends. And while that has been really great, I feel that not many people really know who I am. Only a few people might have a clue about how my mind works. I guess I wish that more people really knew me. I've been wanting someone to really want to know me. Someone to be able to know how I would react to something, or what I might be thinking. I'm getting a little tired of spreading myself out so much i guess. While i love the fact that i have so many friends, I wish i had more really close friends.

What I really want is that One really close friend. Closer than anyone i've ever had.

What it means to miss something.

It's a strange feeling when you miss something or someone. You can only miss something when it's gone, and there is no exception. It's is possible to miss someone and be in the same room as them, but the reality is the reason you miss them is because in someway they are not part of your life anymore. Hearing the words "I miss you" usually has a somber tone to it at best. Hearing "I missed you" can have a positive tone, and it is often said when someone is returning, and joy is present. Longing for someone or something brings a wide variety of emotions to the table.
I've been missing a few things in my life as of late, but I'm not down about it at all. If anything, I'm confused about why I miss certain things so much when it seems logical that I should not. Sometimes people or things become a bigger part of your life, and when they are not around you miss them more than you'd expect. Does that mean you're weird, or just a wimp? Does it mean that you're normal or nothing at all.? How are you supposed to react when they come back? You don't want to seem too happy, but you also don't want to seem like you don't care. Life is strange sometimes, but I'm grateful that I care about something enough to miss it, even though I know it's not going to be gone for very long.

Kisses mean the most to me, but I guess i'm alone on this one.

Here is something that i've been thinking about for a while now. Why is something as awesome as a kiss so overlooked so often? When did the "kiss" become small news, and uninteresting. Why does nothing become big news unless it involves something more exotic? For me, the first kiss has always been one of my favorite things about being with someone. Thinking about what it might be like, and the anticipation is so great. Looking into their eyes afterward and seeing them smile as they look at you. The thoughts that follow soon after, such as "that was amazing" or "I hope they liked it as much as I did," and the "I hope I didn't suck at that." So much is felt in that one moment. A kiss is not something that I think should be so disregarded, and unemotional. Maybe i'm weird, but the next time I kiss someone, I know that I will apreciate every moment of it, and I hope that they'll feel the same way.

Transformers revenge of the fallen

Holy hell that movie was awesome! I never knew that a robot fight could look so cool. This movie was 100 times better than the first movie. I thought in the first movie that they made Optimus kindof a little bitch, but in this flick he was a flaming stud of epic proportions. I had a great time with this flick, so I want to see it again!

I'm a blogger

Hey! I'm trying out this whole blogging thing. It seems really cool, like a diary but not gay. (not that anything is wrong with being gay, gay people kick ass) I'm going to try to write pretty often, so stay tuned!